For iykwim:



The Story

The Ending (in case you forgot)

"Kittens," Clark reiterated firmly. "Good or bad?"

Lex sighed shortly, apparently seeing only one way out. "Kittens are good," he conceded flatly. "Nothing in life gives me more joy than the sight of a kitten. In fact, if you decided to devote yourself entirely to the welfare of kittens, I would support that decision."

Clark only managed to maintain his facade for another couple of seconds before a huge grin split his face.

"Glad you feel that way," he said heartily, brushing past Lex into the kitchen. "Because I brought it home."

The Happily-Ever-After

I should preface by saying that this story actually got expanded upon a little bit. Other than a never-typed-up short ficlet which I wrote for iykwim, immediately after I posted the story, the following conversation ensued:

iykwim: AWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

Yay Superman!!

Cutest. Ever.

EVER.

What's the kitten's name???

toomuchplor: Erm. You choose.

iykwim: As cute as it would be to name her something like Shimmershanks (that's a horse name, I know... how bout Fluffyflanks??) Haha...

I'd name her Zoe, cuz it's my kitty Indiana's middle name.... awww... i miss my kitties now!!

toomuchplor: Aw! Zoe!

I was all set to write the whole scenario of Lex being afraid of cats b/c of his asthma, and Clark being scared to pet her b/c of his strength, and having them both kind of sitting there eyeing her, but then the idea of how they acquired the cat took over the story.

iykwim: I just keep picturing Lex curled up on the couch watching stock reports with her and falling asleep waiting for Clark to come home from doing the superhero thing...

She'd be all purry!!

EEE!!!

Sorry, I'll calm down sometime... but kitties!!

toomuchplor: Dammit. Now I have to write that:

"Lex, your asthma is *gone*."

"Lex, the litter box is automated, you won't have to go *near* it."

"Lex, cat food does *not* smell like putrid octopus viscera."

"Lex, she's purring! And warm!"

"Lex, she wants to know her other daddy."

"Lex, you're going to give our cat a psychological disorder if you keep rejecting her."

Two weeks, and finally Clark had lapsed into a moody silence on the subject of Zoe Tendertoes Kent-Luthor. He knew a lost cause when he saw one, and there was no one more stubborn than Lex when it came to proving a point. Ms. ZTKL would have to remain the exclusive property of Clark. The best he could hope for was a pointed avoidance of the subject.

But now, giddy, Clark beheld the sight before him: Lex, sleeping on the couch in front of a muted TV showing CNN. Zoe Tendertoes was curled into a perfect, purring ball on Lex's most expensive black dress shirt.

iykwim: Oh. My. GOD!! I'm going to explode from SQUEEEEEEEEEEING!!

Tendertoes???? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

HEE!! HEEEEEEE!! *tries to catch breath*

Nice call on the automated litter box! :) Do you think the night they got it, Clark got all excited everytime it went off? And then tried using it like my housemate Drew did?? :) HEE!!

toomuchplor: Stop doing that!

Clark: [pee]

Litterbox: Whirrrrrrr.

Clark: Lex! It's going! Come see!

Lex: Why is it going when I'm within visual range of the animal right now?

Clark: Um. I poured beer in it?

Lex: Clark! Ew!

iykwim: It's funny cause it's true...

HEE!!

Lex: Why is it going when I'm within visual range of the animal right now?
Ha! He's *dying* to call her Ms. Zoe Tendertoes Kent-Luthor a.k.a. Superkitty!

toomuchplor: Of *course* he is! He's probably mentally conditioning himself: "Everytime I even *think* the word 'Tendertoes', I will pinch my leg."

***

So yeah. The kitty's name is Zoe Tendertoes. And Lex pretends to hate her. What next?

"What," Lex said, his voice flat and dangerous, "in the name of *god* is that?"

Clark finished twisting the carpeted pole into the base and looked up to see Lex standing in the doorway of their den, carrying his briefcase. His tie had been loosened already, but if he still had his briefcase in hand, then he hadn't had his post-work glass of scotch -- and Clark knew perfectly well that Lex wasn't going to cheerfully accept the new furniture without some serious alcoholic intervention. So he scrambled to his feet and stood in front of the kitty condo, sticking his hands in his jeans pockets to make himself a bit wider. "You're home!" he exclaimed, far too late.

Lex dropped his briefcase and circled around Clark. 'Frowning' wasn't an adequate description of his expression, even though that was the only word Clark could come up with. "Why have you put a carpeted tube in our home?" he asked.

"It's a Kitty Condo!" Clark said brightly, running his hand over it. "It's purple," he added hopefully.

"The animal does not need its own condo," Lex said. "And you have to stop assuming that I'll like anything that comes in purple. As a general rule, I don't enjoy carpet that runs vertically on any surface, no matter what color it is."

"It's for her claws," Clark explained. "So she can scratch here."

Lex sighed, unable to argue with this. His favorite leather armchair had been suffering under Zoe's paws only two days previously. "It's hideous."

"It's cute," Clark countered, patting the little shelf on one side. "She's going to love it."

"No one except you is allowed in this room," Lex decreed, "from now on."

Clark smiled, tasting victory, then turned his head and clucked his tongue quietly. Zoe loped into the room a moment later, ears pricked in interest.

Lex had moved to the bar, but Clark knew he was watching surreptitiously as the cat padded over to her new perch. As Lex often lamented, she had both dark and light fur, being a grey and white piebald color. Clark called her adorable, and Lex called her, "that animal". But they both wound up with grey and white fur all over their pants.

Zoe sniffed tentatively at the condo, considering, then jumped up into the horizontal tube. The whole thing wobbled (Zoe wasn't a light eater) but stayed upright. However, Ms. Tendertoes seemed unimpressed, because she only stayed for a minute or so before dropping back down to the floor and leaving the room, tail held high with disdain.

"I guess you win," Clark said, defeated. "She doesn't like it much. Might as well take it back."

Lex hummed into his second glass of scotch, and left the room, unconsciously echoing Zoe's dignified carriage.

When Clark came home from work the next day, he found that Lex had taken care of the kitty condo problem in record time. Where the wobbly purple-carpeted monstrosity had stood, there was now a walnut-trimmed, persian-decked multi-level cat palace, custom built to match the rest of the room. Zoe Tendertoes was curled up on the top level, watching Clark with implacable grey eyes, as though to say, "My other daddy understands my needs."

"The animal likes it," Lex reported, from where he was sitting in his leather armchair. He didn't look up from his laptop, but it was obvious that he'd been observing the cat for some time.

"She takes after you," Clark grinned, rolling his eyes. "Don't you, Ms. Tendertoes?"

Lex didn't respond, and neither did Zoe.

They really were a lot alike.

***