Tired. Got no real break over Christmas, am stressed by several jobs at once, moving, and my life in general.
Anyone want to take over being me for a while? I'm truly sick of it. Sick of questioning why I do the work I do, if I will ever be any good at it, if I made the wrong choice when I left pre-med aeons ago, if I will always be alone, if my life is passing me by, if I am forever going to be dissatisfied with myself.
GAH.
Seriously, just. Sick of myself.
[/pity party]
In other news -- oh, *flist*...
Bless your porny hearts, each and every one of you. I sometimes think that I could write anything at all involving John, Rodney, and blowjobs, and get a positive lovely response. You are the light of my procrastination, you really truly are.
Okay, so -- this fic, which is silly and fluffy etc. -- I was rereading it and was struck by the Rodney-ness of John's narrative voice. Run-on sentences and confused jumbly sequences of narrative description are sort of a staple of the Rodney narrative voice, not only in my writing but in much of fandom. John is usually more terse, tightly controlled, and sometimes just wonderfully emotionally oblivious. I think that's why I have an easier time writing in Rodney's narrative voice. His style of verbal diarrhea isn't really my own style of speech but it's certainly familiar -- the constant spool of ticker-tape thoughts uncoiling inside his brain, as I described it, is very much me. Sometimes it's impossibly crowded in here and I wish I could find an escape from it all. Sadly, I have no John Sheppard in my bed.
In general, I do better with narrators who are more emotionally open and less sophisticated. The uncooler, the better, and I think it's because I relate more. I'm neither cool nor sophisticated, and though I doubt most people would describe me as emotionally open, I guess I'm a little emotionally retarded, because I prefer people who flat-out say what they're feeling.
Also? Weirdly enough, I gravitate towards the half of the pairing that I find more attractive. You'd think that I'd go the other way, step into the shoes of the character who is attracted to the same person as I am, so as to better observe and enjoy the hotness. But in Smallville and SGA both, I more often go with the half of the pairing I enjoy the most from a visual standpoint. And yes, that's Rodney in SGA, believe it or not. I'm developing a seriously unhealthy appreciation for David Hewlett. *g*
So, a point of discussion -- if anyone feels up to discussing it -- which narrative voice comes easiest to you, John or Rodney, and why do you think that is? Be flippant, be serious, I don't care -- but I'm curious.
All this leads into me saying that Static Interference is kind of an interesting character piece for me because of the unusual, Rodney-esque way I've written John's POV. I may reevaluate my stance given more time, but I think it works in a weird way, like John Sheppard in the heat of (completely unexpected) passion might lose his grip on cool and work his way over to Rodney levels of excitability. It makes me want to try and write the story again from Rodney's POV and see if the exercise works in reverse.
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On my way home from work just now, witnessed a fender-bender car accident between two elderly drivers. Makes me wonder what I'm complaining about -- at least I have all my faculties! Ahaha... *is mean*
Of my Wiseguy scribbles, I always write from Vinnie's pov (undercover "FBI" agent) - or once, from his mother's - because Sonny's in the Mafia. Or maybe because it's easy to see why Sonny would fall for Vinnie, but harder to see why Vinnie would fall for Sonny. Which makes no sense whatsoever with what I just wrote about Jack.
As for John's voice, I like to think Rodney is just rubbing off on him after all these years. In the mental and also physical sense. *g*
As for John's voice, I like to think Rodney is just rubbing off on him after all these years. In the mental and also physical sense.
One thing that really strikes me about this pairing is the interesting opposition between them when it comes to desire and appetite. It's canon that Rodney is self-indulgent and comfort-seeking (I think I have just lifted both those phrases directly from Pru, however! *g*) whereas John is ascetic, a soldier and not a pampered prince. Rodney is overt with his wants, even to the point of selfishness and greed, but John is self-denying and repressive about even the basics of life, like preservation of his own existence. I do like to think that John resents and envies Rodney's selfishness and open wants in equal measure. I wrote this in Straight as a Circle, I think -- the turning point where John goes from disliking Rodney's obvious neediness, to being jealous of it, to realizing with a sense of euphoria that he, John, can be like that too, that he's allowed to want and have and hoard. I like that Rodney could teach John to be good to himself.
In SGA, I have a hard time writing Rodney when I'm in John's pov, but Rodney in his own POV is much easier for me. But it's easy for me to switch off in this fandom. I write Rodney as often as I write John, though I definitely like *looking* at Rodney more.
stalkeradmirer of your writing that I had already observed your choice of POVs in both fandoms, and wondered about it. That *is* interesting, and I definitely agree with you about writing Rodney from John's POV. Rodney is so verbally decadent that you've got to believe that most of his word explosions actually come across as white noise in John's monosyllabic universe. It's hard to imagine John actually *paying attention* to Rodney's rants, not in detail anyway. I think it's "blah blah blah I can fix it blah blah" to John a lot of the time.I suppose this latest story of mine is a tribute to that perception of John vs. Rodney, which is why it's doubly amusing that John seems to morph into Rodney halfway through the text. Rodney pushes John into thinking in run-on sentences! Evil!
In response to your question, who's easier for me to "write as"?
RODNEY. RODNEY. RODNEY.
Seriously. I've been trying to write a little AU from Sheppard's POV for months now, and I feel like I'm having to drag the narrative out of him. I don't think I'm *bad* at it, per se (though time will tell), it's just that Rodney is so much more willing to talk! I can just close my eyes and Rodney's narrative voice starts yammering; I have to cajole John's voice into giving me anything. Like you, I think I just identify so much more strongly with Rodney, at least emotionally.
It sounds like crazy talk, but I bet you know what I'm saying. :)
*g*, now that you mention it -- my period might have something to do with my mood today. *checks calendar* Um. Yeah. *embarrassed laugh* I'm betting I'll feel better any day now.
Rodney is so much more willing to talk! I can just close my eyes and Rodney's narrative voice starts yammering
*nodsnodsnods* I mean, that's *Rodney*, right? I realized, in doing my year-end reviews, that I almost always start stories with dialogue from Rodney. He's such a verbose character and so wickedly (unintentionally) funny, it's too easy to just wind him up and let him loose on the story. It's much harder to prod John into saying anything at all. But I really admire writers who can do a credibly terse and obtuse John-voice --
It sounds to me as if you're placing the emphasis here on 'anything', when really it should be on 'I'. Yep, we'll read anything you write, and if you substituted grocery shopping for blowjobs, we'd all still jump at the fic and smoosh you. Nope, you don't have to provide sex for us to still like you in the morning.
Personally, I find Rodney easier to write - John feels very precise to me, his thoughts seem very direct and orientated (until it comes to emotions). I prefer to write kinda sloppily and feel like Rodney's POV gives me more scope to relax and just babble on. I enjoy the extremes: 'Oh my God, we're all going to die' to 'how am I so amazing?' in five seconds flat. When I write John I spend a lot more time chewing my lip and plotting.
Static Interfernce really worked for me, partly because John wasn't orientated and on the ball. I thought that reflected on how comfortable he was with Rodney - that he didn't have to be on form, he could just slouch in his room and be sloppy.
"Anyone want to take over being me for a while? I'm truly sick of it. Sick of questioning why I do the work I do, if I will ever be any good at it, if I made the wrong choice when I left pre-med aeons ago, if I will always be alone, if my life is passing me by, if I am forever going to be dissatisfied with myself."
Dude, srsly. You have to stop with the hidden cameras 'cuz you are *totally* describing my life *right now* Except for the pre-med and the moving. Also, I just left (literally, last Friday!) one of my part-time gigs as it was simply time and past time to get the hell out of Dodge City, so to speak. ::snogs you::
Wish I had some words of wisdom or a spare vacation to loan you but, alas, fresh out. Maybe you've got a touch of the Winter Blahs and need some sunshine to perk you up a bit? Can't hurt. But for now, here's some hugs ::hugs:: and I hope yer feeling more like yer self soon. ::passes cookies::
PS: POV, schmeeOV. You could write the pr0n equivalent of the phone book and people would come a-running. More stories!
I switch off between Rodney and John and at the moment, I totally love them both. Both both both. Would hop into bed with equal delight, but less body images with Rodney, probably. (Actually you can imagine John Sheppard in your bed, it's awfully fun.)
Rodney, for me, is more fun to write verbally, but John is fun to write physically. Especially when he's a cat. Oh hell, I'm being no help at all here!! Sorry, just woke up from a nap where Eddie Albert was being pelted with paint balls by kindergarteners. ::stumbles off::
I find John's voice incredibly difficult. And I don't read really well done John-voice nearly as often as excellent Rodney-voice, either.
I read SGA fic before I saw the show, and I remember searching for a pic of Rodney McKay and going, "Really?" But then I mainlined season one and two, and I was won over. The cruddy promotional stills I found in the beginning just don't show how engaging David Hewlett is in action. I can look at picspam of Joe and enjoy the pretty, but it's David I really drool over.
I hope you feel less cruddy and dissatisfied soon!