Dear Dr. Love,

Excited about ab unusual plant I discovered on planet F6E 2GB, I brought a specimen to our expedition leader, and second in command of the Atlantis military, for a private demonstration. The details are unimportant, except to say that it was swell, or rather it caused something delicate to swell, but in a way that no man's anatomy is meant to do. Combined with the terrible itching my fern inflicted, I'm afraid he will never want to touch me again.

Help!

Signed,

Forlorn.