Memory is such a powerful thing. I feel memory almost every day in my arms, which throb as though I have the flu, but only there. My arms are what I used to fend off my abuser, and they were pinned by him at other times - by body remembers both; the movement and the stillness.

In 2005 and 2006 I sought help for the debilitating cramps I had every time I had a period. I'd been prescribed percocet for the pain - whether I took it or not, I had to miss work every time I had a period because I couldn't move or function when a cramp came. I had every test imaginable; I had ultrasounds internally and externally, with saline solution in my uterus and without; I had lap. surgery to explore for endometriosis. The doctors found nothing.

Since beginning EMDR I've noticed that when I have a flashback or a bad dream, I get cramps. The cramps aren't linked to a period - I've been on hormones to suppress my cycle since 2006. They're pains linked to a memory I don't even consciously have. I don't know what my body has stored in that pain - rather, it's that I've come to understand and trust that my body bore witness when my mind shut down. I may never know what happened; all I can do is care for this body when it steps out of time and experiences an old hurt as if it's new.